I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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