I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
