remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
