I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
