I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
