So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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