Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
