my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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