If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
