You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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