never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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