went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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