based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
