is your mom at the bar?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
