He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
