just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
