her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
