Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
