Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
