your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
