you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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