I showed him my bush... on skype.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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