i just wanna soil my oats bro
Plan B is the new Plan A
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
