she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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