guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
