ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
