Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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