i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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