bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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