I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
