I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
