About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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