You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
