She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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