just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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