i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
