Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
