We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
