I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sponge bath it is.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's get the cat blown out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
