OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
