I can text with my tongue
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
