her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
