just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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