I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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