She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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