By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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