So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
