I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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