I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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