There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
