if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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