Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
