I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
