I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
