you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
