I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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