About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I could make wine with my vomit
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
