Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
