my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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