I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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