I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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