I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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