He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
