you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
