When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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