I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
