we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
