Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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