The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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