I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
