Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
