i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
