i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it glows. i had to have it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
